I had to Google the word to know what this feeling is. Melancholy - "Noun: A deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness." "Adjective: Sad, gloomy, or depressed."
An addict told me that is a strange experience when you have been clean long enough that you start feeling things again and for a while the only words you have are good and bad. I have a new word this evening. It's only one word and I had to Google the SOB, but damnit, this word is mine! I'm really tired of living my life in shades of monochrome intensity. This word is mine and right now I feel like I'm drowning in it, but I earned this word and so I'm going to sit with it and ride it out into the next word instead of running into drugs, sex, money or whatever else like I usually do when I'm uncomfortable. As my MaybePossibleSponserToBe is fond of quoting, one of our opening readings says "If you want what we have and are willing to make the effort to get it, you are ready to take certain steps." He usually says somewhere in that same breath "If anyone told you this shit was going to be easy, they were lying to you."
I am standing and standing strong right here. It's funny. I'd never have guess that I could find hope in melancholy. Hey. There's another word.
This is the song I am listening to right now. I'm not sure what the correlation may be, but thank Allah (Subhanu wa T'Allah) for Idena.
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| Photo by Andrew Line |
An addict told me that is a strange experience when you have been clean long enough that you start feeling things again and for a while the only words you have are good and bad. I have a new word this evening. It's only one word and I had to Google the SOB, but damnit, this word is mine! I'm really tired of living my life in shades of monochrome intensity. This word is mine and right now I feel like I'm drowning in it, but I earned this word and so I'm going to sit with it and ride it out into the next word instead of running into drugs, sex, money or whatever else like I usually do when I'm uncomfortable. As my MaybePossibleSponserToBe is fond of quoting, one of our opening readings says "If you want what we have and are willing to make the effort to get it, you are ready to take certain steps." He usually says somewhere in that same breath "If anyone told you this shit was going to be easy, they were lying to you."
I am standing and standing strong right here. It's funny. I'd never have guess that I could find hope in melancholy. Hey. There's another word.
This is the song I am listening to right now. I'm not sure what the correlation may be, but thank Allah (Subhanu wa T'Allah) for Idena.
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Thanks for your time and words! :]